Discustation

Discustation is a concept that I threw up a while ago, it refers to a meal of small tasting courses where each course endeavours to be more repellent than the one that preceded it. Having coined this term I feel well within my linguistic rights to change its definition.
The new meaning of discustation is far broader in its scope and refers to any use of language that makes food or eating less appetising. I won't endeavour to conceal the primary objective of this new term which is a search and destroy, culinary witch hunt. Places offering Asian tapas have been served notice the Larousse Inquisition will soon be knocking at your door. Menus will be excommunicated and non-believers char-grilled at the steak. Please feel free to dob in offenders. Your efforts will make this a safer world for the appetites of your children and your children's children.

A less than glossary of terms:
Floats: Ice cream sodas otherwise known as 'spiders'. Floats just makes them sound like buoyant dead bodies.
Steamers: Although the term steamer brings to mind images of warm dog poo on a cold day, they are in fact steamed burritos.
Jerk chicken: A Jamaican speciality of hot spice marinated chicken that's smoked over an aromatic wood. Undoubtedly this is a delicious dish but is it named such because it has to be produced an obnoxious Rastafarian. Probably even more disturbing is the moment a male colleague assured that "I have to try his jerk sauce."
Dredge: It is going to make difficult viewing when an American Food Network presenter exhumes a cadaver while dredging fish fillets.
Broil: Not content to grill food, North Americans insist on broiling, a medieval practice of torturing people with overcooked, rubbery food.
Smokie: A smoked hot dog coupling the public love for sausages with the addictive powers of carcinogens.
Tube steak: A beginners guide as to how to make a processed meat sound even more unnatural, apply a very literal description to the product.
Japa dog: An iconic Vancouver hot dog with Japanese influenced accompaniments. Where this product goes wrong is to create a subconscious connection between the frankfurt and the source of the unspecified meat. Shiba inu? Akita inu?
Potstickers: Generally speaking you wouldn't name a style of dish after a dinner party disaster which leaves you with the cremated remains of beef bourguignon in the bottom of your Le Creuset and hours of scrubbing ahead of you.

Blacklisted Eateries:
The Dog House: There are unquestionably some gourmet dog food products on the market but if you are going to brand yourself a family restaurant don't expect to have anyone on less than four legs salivating at the prospect of eating at The Dog House.
The Beaver and Mullet Bistro: A misguided Canadian attempt at surf and turf or lodge and school.
Ho Ho's Yummy Food: Risking being accused by ghosts of Christmas past of failing to see the enduring appeal of associating a Chinese restaurant with Santa's rumbling chortle, yo no hablo Chino .
Beard Papa's: A successful international franchise that makes unearthly light cream puffs but why associate a choux pastry range with a hairy, pipe smoking mariner?
The Smoking Dog French Bistro: Apparently having cigarette ash and dog hair in the Ratatouille is a drawcard.

This is merely the beginning, a drop in the spittoon of life but I will not tire in this culinary crusade until taste buds across the globe are free from the tyranny of discustation.